Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
