dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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