Plan B is the new Plan A
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
