wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
