I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
