Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
