hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
