So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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