I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
