I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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