we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
where are my eyebrows?
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