My hand turned me down
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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