i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
