four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
