I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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