Can i not drive my cunt home
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
