so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
