yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
