she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it because I queefed?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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