We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
