I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
