I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
