I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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