people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
