I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
