so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we're making bets on your personal life
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
