ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
