lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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