I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
