last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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