the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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