You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
