I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
