I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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