i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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