Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
