i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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