Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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