I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
