im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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