Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
