I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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