Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
