Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
