I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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