I think my vagina is haunted
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
