New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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