this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
