quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
