HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
